"Gratitude"
Based on Matthew 25:31-46 (reading at the end of the sermon)
November 22, 2020
When I graduated from high school, I received a lot of cards from people I knew. Cards with lots of “congrats” and “best wishes.” Cards from relatives. Cards from church members. Cards from people I grew up with in my hometown of Dassel, Minnesota. Many cards had cash and checks enclosed.
Since 10th grade I had worked at Isaacson’s Grocery Store. The owners Cliff and Mabel were like second parents for me. Mabel was the one who encouraged me to make plans for college and save my money for that. Mabel liked to give me advice. Advice like sending thank you notes to everyone who gave me a graduation gift within two weeks. Which I did.
A couple weeks later, I was at the post office, where I ran into Eleanor, whose husband Elmer was the town barber. Elmer had been cutting my hair since I was a little kid. The Fargo barbershop I go to now reminds me of his shop. Eleanor casually asked if I had received the card and gift she had mailed. Without thinking, I responded bluntly: “No, I didn’t get a card from you.” Her facial expression showed that Eleanor was puzzled and shocked by my response, but I wasn’t sure what I could do about it. So I said goodbye.
But that wasn’t the end of my card story. When I went to work the next day, Mabel told me that Eleanor had come to the store and spoken with her about the missing card. I felt defensive, and explained to Mabel that I had carefully checked my list of cards received. And I was sure nothing came from Eleanor. Mabel suggested that I must have misplaced the card. Which I knew wasn’t true. But Mabel instructed me to send a thank you anyway. In her mind, it was the right thing to do.
So that’s what I did. I sent a hand-written note to Eleanor and Elmer, thanking them for a gift I never received. To me, it seemed like I was expressing gratitude for nothing.
I was reminded of that experience after reading the parable in today’s Gospel lesson. The story of the sheep and the goats is well known. This parable only appears in Matthew and is the very last teaching of Jesus in that Gospel. Right after this, Matthew moves us into the narrative of the last supper and Jesus’ crucifixion.
The parable begins with a king offering a thank you and eternal reward to the sheep for the good things they have done to him. But the sheep are puzzled by the king’s gratitude. They say, “Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you drink?” It seems like the king is thanking them for something they never did. To which the king responds, “Just as you did it to one of the least of these, you did it to me.”
Of course, Matthew converts this parable into a story with a moral. Suggesting that anyone who unknowingly does kind things to sick and needy people will be rewarded with eternal life in heaven. But anyone who fails to do the right things will suffer eternal punishment in hell. A lot of preachers have used this parable to motivate us Christians to do charitable acts for the poor and hungry and homeless. As Lutherans, we talk about living grace-filled lives—that we give to those in need out of gratitude for the good things God has given us.
But there’s something about all that that bothers me. It makes me wonder about the ethical motivations behind good deeds. It makes me question if Jesus is really suggesting that (whether we do so consciously or not) we should expect to go to heaven because of the way we have lived our lives.
I think there are a lot of people—including a lot of Christians—who no longer buy into that belief system. People who no longer find meaning in many of the teachings of traditional religion. Where God is like a mighty king or judge checking to see if we do everything the right way. Instead, they long to find spirituality and meaning in their lives and human relationships. Where God is a spirit that fills all of creation and our hearts with love and kindness and gratitude.
Rabia al-Adawiyya lived in the eighth century. She founded the Sufis, a sect of Islamic mystics. As a girl, Rabia was sold into slavery. According to some legends, she gained her freedom, because her master was puzzled and amazed by a miraculous light shining over her head.
Rabia devoted her life to a quest for direct contact with God. But she also questioned traditional beliefs. Rabia once wrote the following prayer: “O Allah! O God ! If I worship you for fear of hell, burn me in hell. And if I worship you in hope of paradise, exclude me from paradise. But if I worship you for your own sake, grudge me not your everlasting Beauty.” *
In a similar vein, during this Thursday evening’s reading circle about Lenny Duncan’s book Dear Church, we talked about what the word “Church” means to us. About how the Church (both past and present) has condemned and hurt many of us—especially those who are queer or people of color or women.
Some of us here at St. Mark’s have stories like that. Like Pastor Lenny in his book, we talked about what makes people like us stay in the Church despite the emotional and spiritual scars we carry. I shared my experience in the years after seminary when I decided not to get ordained because I am gay. About how painful it was. About how challenging it was to find a welcoming community. About what I longed for in a church.
Back then, one place I found a spiritual home was in a 12-Step group. Al-Anon isn’t a religious program, but a spiritual one for those of us with family or friends struggling with chemical dependency.
Like AA, they don’t impose a particular definition of God, or who or what your Higher Power is. Instead, we leave it up to individual members to define these terms for themselves. (A radical concept that would probably make many Christians’ heads explode!) The group I attended was for LGBTQ individuals. Back when I wasn’t out, it was a safe space for me. A space where I could work through my life story. A space to explore what God and spirituality meant for me. A space to learn about gratitude.
An Al-Anon member named Cindy once wrote:
“I express my Gratitude by trying to live the Steps. Today gratitude is a practice, and it is more important than how I sometimes feel. Gratitude is the deep knowing that my Higher Power is guiding and loving me. Gratitude is knowing that those around me have hope and help in their most difficult times. Gratitude is knowing that I may not be feeling super serene right now, because I’m busy being… grateful for my life.”
One spiritual practice often suggested to newcomers in a 12-Step Program is to make a list each day of three things for which they feel grateful. I read of one person who didn’t stop writing until they had a list of 5,000 items.
That’s a practice that you might want to try this week. This Thursday is Thanksgiving. A Thanksgiving unlike any most of us have ever experienced. Where COVID-19 keeps us in isolation. Separated from those we love. Made even more painful for some of us who are dealing with the loss of loved ones and our grief.
And while we acknowledge the loneliness and the strangeness of these days, this can also be a time to think about gratitude. Gratitude for the good things we see today as signs of God’s grace.
However, we shouldn’t shame others for finding life hard or unpleasant. Well-intended suggestions that others be “more positive” or “grateful for what they have” often come from those who are uncomfortable with their own negative feelings. Gratitude is not something we are forced to do. It’s not a thank you card for a gift never received.
But it is a psychological and spiritual practice for days like these. An exercise, a ritual, that can give us hope in the midst of despair. And a reminder of the One who holds us when we can no longer hold one another.
A Higher Power who calls us each day to love and gratitude and abundant life, even in the face of death. Amen.
---------------------------
*https://www.encyclopedia.com/history/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/rabia-al-adawiyya
GOSPEL LESSON: Matthew 25:31-46 (NRSV)
[Jesus said to the disciples:] 31“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, 33and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left. 34Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; 35for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ 37Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? 38And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? 39And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ 40And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family you did it to me.’ 41Then he will say to those at his left hand, ‘You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; 42for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ 44Then they also will answer, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?’ 45Then he will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ 46And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”
Since 10th grade I had worked at Isaacson’s Grocery Store. The owners Cliff and Mabel were like second parents for me. Mabel was the one who encouraged me to make plans for college and save my money for that. Mabel liked to give me advice. Advice like sending thank you notes to everyone who gave me a graduation gift within two weeks. Which I did.
A couple weeks later, I was at the post office, where I ran into Eleanor, whose husband Elmer was the town barber. Elmer had been cutting my hair since I was a little kid. The Fargo barbershop I go to now reminds me of his shop. Eleanor casually asked if I had received the card and gift she had mailed. Without thinking, I responded bluntly: “No, I didn’t get a card from you.” Her facial expression showed that Eleanor was puzzled and shocked by my response, but I wasn’t sure what I could do about it. So I said goodbye.
But that wasn’t the end of my card story. When I went to work the next day, Mabel told me that Eleanor had come to the store and spoken with her about the missing card. I felt defensive, and explained to Mabel that I had carefully checked my list of cards received. And I was sure nothing came from Eleanor. Mabel suggested that I must have misplaced the card. Which I knew wasn’t true. But Mabel instructed me to send a thank you anyway. In her mind, it was the right thing to do.
So that’s what I did. I sent a hand-written note to Eleanor and Elmer, thanking them for a gift I never received. To me, it seemed like I was expressing gratitude for nothing.
I was reminded of that experience after reading the parable in today’s Gospel lesson. The story of the sheep and the goats is well known. This parable only appears in Matthew and is the very last teaching of Jesus in that Gospel. Right after this, Matthew moves us into the narrative of the last supper and Jesus’ crucifixion.
The parable begins with a king offering a thank you and eternal reward to the sheep for the good things they have done to him. But the sheep are puzzled by the king’s gratitude. They say, “Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you drink?” It seems like the king is thanking them for something they never did. To which the king responds, “Just as you did it to one of the least of these, you did it to me.”
Of course, Matthew converts this parable into a story with a moral. Suggesting that anyone who unknowingly does kind things to sick and needy people will be rewarded with eternal life in heaven. But anyone who fails to do the right things will suffer eternal punishment in hell. A lot of preachers have used this parable to motivate us Christians to do charitable acts for the poor and hungry and homeless. As Lutherans, we talk about living grace-filled lives—that we give to those in need out of gratitude for the good things God has given us.
But there’s something about all that that bothers me. It makes me wonder about the ethical motivations behind good deeds. It makes me question if Jesus is really suggesting that (whether we do so consciously or not) we should expect to go to heaven because of the way we have lived our lives.
I think there are a lot of people—including a lot of Christians—who no longer buy into that belief system. People who no longer find meaning in many of the teachings of traditional religion. Where God is like a mighty king or judge checking to see if we do everything the right way. Instead, they long to find spirituality and meaning in their lives and human relationships. Where God is a spirit that fills all of creation and our hearts with love and kindness and gratitude.
Rabia al-Adawiyya lived in the eighth century. She founded the Sufis, a sect of Islamic mystics. As a girl, Rabia was sold into slavery. According to some legends, she gained her freedom, because her master was puzzled and amazed by a miraculous light shining over her head.
Rabia devoted her life to a quest for direct contact with God. But she also questioned traditional beliefs. Rabia once wrote the following prayer: “O Allah! O God ! If I worship you for fear of hell, burn me in hell. And if I worship you in hope of paradise, exclude me from paradise. But if I worship you for your own sake, grudge me not your everlasting Beauty.” *
In a similar vein, during this Thursday evening’s reading circle about Lenny Duncan’s book Dear Church, we talked about what the word “Church” means to us. About how the Church (both past and present) has condemned and hurt many of us—especially those who are queer or people of color or women.
Some of us here at St. Mark’s have stories like that. Like Pastor Lenny in his book, we talked about what makes people like us stay in the Church despite the emotional and spiritual scars we carry. I shared my experience in the years after seminary when I decided not to get ordained because I am gay. About how painful it was. About how challenging it was to find a welcoming community. About what I longed for in a church.
Back then, one place I found a spiritual home was in a 12-Step group. Al-Anon isn’t a religious program, but a spiritual one for those of us with family or friends struggling with chemical dependency.
Like AA, they don’t impose a particular definition of God, or who or what your Higher Power is. Instead, we leave it up to individual members to define these terms for themselves. (A radical concept that would probably make many Christians’ heads explode!) The group I attended was for LGBTQ individuals. Back when I wasn’t out, it was a safe space for me. A space where I could work through my life story. A space to explore what God and spirituality meant for me. A space to learn about gratitude.
An Al-Anon member named Cindy once wrote:
“I express my Gratitude by trying to live the Steps. Today gratitude is a practice, and it is more important than how I sometimes feel. Gratitude is the deep knowing that my Higher Power is guiding and loving me. Gratitude is knowing that those around me have hope and help in their most difficult times. Gratitude is knowing that I may not be feeling super serene right now, because I’m busy being… grateful for my life.”
One spiritual practice often suggested to newcomers in a 12-Step Program is to make a list each day of three things for which they feel grateful. I read of one person who didn’t stop writing until they had a list of 5,000 items.
That’s a practice that you might want to try this week. This Thursday is Thanksgiving. A Thanksgiving unlike any most of us have ever experienced. Where COVID-19 keeps us in isolation. Separated from those we love. Made even more painful for some of us who are dealing with the loss of loved ones and our grief.
And while we acknowledge the loneliness and the strangeness of these days, this can also be a time to think about gratitude. Gratitude for the good things we see today as signs of God’s grace.
However, we shouldn’t shame others for finding life hard or unpleasant. Well-intended suggestions that others be “more positive” or “grateful for what they have” often come from those who are uncomfortable with their own negative feelings. Gratitude is not something we are forced to do. It’s not a thank you card for a gift never received.
But it is a psychological and spiritual practice for days like these. An exercise, a ritual, that can give us hope in the midst of despair. And a reminder of the One who holds us when we can no longer hold one another.
A Higher Power who calls us each day to love and gratitude and abundant life, even in the face of death. Amen.
---------------------------
*https://www.encyclopedia.com/history/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/rabia-al-adawiyya
GOSPEL LESSON: Matthew 25:31-46 (NRSV)
[Jesus said to the disciples:] 31“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, 33and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left. 34Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; 35for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ 37Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? 38And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? 39And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ 40And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family you did it to me.’ 41Then he will say to those at his left hand, ‘You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; 42for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ 44Then they also will answer, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?’ 45Then he will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ 46And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”
